There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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