He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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