Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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