Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
