did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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