I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
