I could have mohawked her pubes.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize