Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Randomize