I wish I only lived at night.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize