I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
