I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
