At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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