And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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