I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
