did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Pooping to opera.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
