it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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