They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize