I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
