Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
