Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
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