Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
