you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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