I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
