Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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