you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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