Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Randomize
