Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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