i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
