I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
