I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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