dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
