U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
