So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
