Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
