I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
