DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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