Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
last night I used snow as a chaser
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
