I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
