She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize