I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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