Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
