Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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