You can't special order awesome
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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