You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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