Say something about gay babies.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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