I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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