I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
