He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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