I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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