none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
