your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
honey bunches of taint.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
