Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
