YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
