I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
