Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Randomize
