You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
