No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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