I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
