I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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