Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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