Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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