either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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