I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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