Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
