i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
