I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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