So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
