I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
