When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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