Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
