Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
